No, but seriously. Seriously.

Have you ever wished for something only to realize after the fact that you had it all along? Maybe you didn't have exactly the very thing you were wishing for, but what you had was pretty damn close? Like in that South Park Christmas episode when the boys are really upset because they are so busy saving the world that they miss their annual Christmas adventure? Or the one where the boys are battling aliens who've stolen their game console, and the whole time they are talking about how bummed out they are that they're not at home shooting aliens on their game console?

Recently I reconnected with my seventh-grade best friend. (Thank you, Facebook!) She's doing great. She's married to a fireman, she has a Real Grown-Up Career, she and her husband own a two bedroom house in a nice suburb outside of L.A., and they are trying for their first baby. They have my dream life. She asked what I was up to so I told her all about our bitchen, how our tenement is only 12 foot steps from the front door to the back wall and how we lie in bed at night listening to the ceiling disintegrate. I told her about pounding the pavement, the daily rejection, and how we're so broke we never know whether or not we can afford food. And she replied: "You are living my dream life." I was like, WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?

And then I had this flashback. November, 2006. I'm sitting in my cozy, sun-drenched kitchen, in my beautiful Hollywood bungalow, across from my 100-grand-a-year-earning husband, crying into my soup about how unhappy I am and how I would just be happy if I could live my dream of moving to New York to pursue a career on Broadway. He says: we'll be broke, it will be hard, we'll spend a lot of money on a tiny, crappy apartment. I say: I don't care, it will be an adventure, it will be totally worth it.

Fast forward two years. February 23, 2009. Present day. The two-year anniversary of the Cross Country Move. Interior tenement apartment. Girl writing email to friend, bitching about how much she hates her life. She pauses, suddenly, realizing she is living the exact life that two years ago she claimed was her dream life.

How quickly I take for granted the things I once spent so much time pining for. Sure, my dreams have changed shape, but they had the freedom to do that because I accomplished the goals I set out for earlier. And how awesome is that? I've spent most of the last two years complaining about how hard and horrible everything is, instead of enjoying the adventure of it all. Yes, it's been hard. But I think it's time for me to quit my whining and learn how to pat myself on the back for checking goals off my goal list. And it's definitely time for me to start enjoying where I am right this second. I won't be on this adventure forever. Before I know it, I'll be looking back on this period of my life as something I did in my past. As my wise mama always reminds me, all we have is this moment right now. Love it. Because it too, shall pass.

Happy Anniversary, Dream Life. I'm sorry I said all that mean stuff about you before.