Ouch

Tonight was supposed to be the first meeting of the study/support group I'm starting for actors. I sent out the email invitations a week and a half ago. I invited all of the (12) actors I've met in this city, whose work/work ethic/character I admired. I invited them to each invite an actor friend whom they admired. I asked them all to bring a monologue they'd prepared, to share with the group. I have been looking forward to this for weeks. I had been looking forward to this for weeks before I even invited anyone. I even came up with the perfect name for the group - Actors Study and Support, or, A.S.S. It's perfect, right? Just imagine it. Wouldn't you like to be an A.S.S. member? 

All but four of the actors responded that they'd be in rehearsal or on vacation or otherwise unable to attend, but that they thought it was a great idea and wanted to participate in the future. Four people said they'd definitely be there. I was pretty thrilled. Four people is a pretty good start, I thought. Poompy and I went shopping on Tuesday and bought a beautiful baked brie and some lovely crackers to go with it, a gorgeous bunch of grapes, soybeans in-the-pod, cherries, soda and sparkling water. I raced home from work today and I baked chocolate chip cookies and brownies and made iced tea. Then I set everything out using all my lovely serving ware that I got as wedding gifts. And then I sat and waited. And waited. The meeting was to start at 8:00. I was ready at 7:30 in case anyone showed up early. But no one did. Finally, at about 8:15 I checked my email. Three of the four people emailed me after 2 p.m. today to tell me they couldn't make it. There was one more possible guest. I called her. I got her voice mail. About five minutes later she called back, very apologetic, she'd forgotten that it was tonight, she was at a bar with some friends, but she'll definitely be at the next one!

I feel like the nerdy girl in the movie whose mother throws her the beautiful Sweet 16 party, and then not a single guest shows up. I know, I know. I get my expectations all worked up over things that are beyond my control. But even still. I shouldn't have gone to so much trouble. Without being aware of what I was doing, I tried to turn this into a little party - a celebration of what it is to be an Actor in NYC. But no one else wanted to celebrate.

I guess the thing to remember is that at the end of the movie, the nerdy girl always gets her Dream Guy. So if this were a movie, and I was the nerdy girl, Broadway would be my Dream Guy. So fuck it. A.S.S. doesn't have to be important to you because no matter what, it will always be important to me. I love A.S.S. I can get A.S.S. all by myself. I don't need a group of people to get something important and meaningful out of A.S.S. I can do it alone.

One day, I'm going to be a Broadway Star and when I am winning my 7th Tony, you'll be telling your kids, "I used to know her! She invited me to be a part of her A.S.S. and I never showed up to the meetings......"

So there.

A.S.S. is for winners.