Saturday, August 30, 2008

I am so mad I can barely see straight.

Hypothetical Situation, Or Perhaps Something My Husband Is Currently Experiencing. 

You plan a vacation. You get the dates approved by your employer before purchasing the plane tickets. During the four month period prior to leaving for said vacation, you periodically remind your employer that you will be leaving on the vacation on previously agreed upon dates. One week before you are scheduled to leave for your vacation, your vacation that you have been planning for four months, that you have already paid for, some bitch you work with quits unexpectedly and your employer tells you that if you choose to take your vacation anyway, you will not have a job when you return. It costs you $100 to cancel the plane tickets that you ONLY PURCHASED ONCE YOU'D GOTTEN APPROVAL FROM YOUR EMPLOYER. Should you be reimbursed for the financial burden caused to you by your employer? Or should you suck it up?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Is it 1823 and am I not allowed to have my own thoughts?

So Adam (who is visiting from LA because he is getting ready to move here) and I are sitting on my stoop yesterday afternoon chatting. I've got a big glass of iced tea and he's got a cigarette and we're just hanging out, enjoying the autumn weather, talking about life and whatnot, when this guy walks up to us. Now, he's walking west down the street, and because of the way we're sitting, as he approaches he'll have to pass me before passing Adam. So he walks up to us, passes me, stands in front of Adam and without even acknowledging I'm there, says, "Hey, do you live here? Can you tell me the parking situation?"

"No, man. I'm sorry. I don't live here, I don't know." Adam replies.

Eyes still on Adam, the guy says, "Well, does she know?" I take a sip of my iced tea. Adam takes a drag off his cigarette. The guy is getting impatient. I'm waiting for him to look at me, you know, acknowledge my presence or something, maybe ask me directly, but he doesn't. Another awkward moment goes by. The guy says, "WELL? DOES SHE?"

Adam looks over at me. I look up at the guy, but he is still glaring at Adam. I think about dumping my iced tea all over his shoes, but instead I say: "Yeah, I do. But you didn't ask me."

This reminds me of the night when I was in college and I had a shaved head and Adam and I were at a club watching my brother's band play and this guy walked up to Adam and said, "Can I touch her head?" and then pointed at me. And Adam was like, "Um, why don't you ask her?"

Either I look like the kind of girl who doesn't have the right to speak out loud to men outside my family, or Adam is freakishly intimidating.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Weekly Poll - About 2 Weeks Late

I'm sorry guys. I know, I know, it's been 16 days. Things come up and life just moves so damn quickly. But what I can't believe is that out of 11 people, TEN of you voted that you'd rather be Jerry. That's 90%. I know that because I'm SMART. I don't know, I guess I'm not really surprised that more people didn't want to be the dumb hunter.

Anyway, I can't really think straight right now because on Saturday night after my nephew left to go back to LA (did I mention my nephew was here visiting for a week and we had the best time ever and he's so cool and I am crazy about him and one of the cool things about living three thousand miles away from everyone I love is that when someone gets to visit, even though I haven't seen them in a year, I get to spend a whole week of nearly uninterrupted time with them and it provides a bonding experience that I probably would never really get if I lived in the same city and saw them regularly at family functions and what not. Anyway, it was a fantastic week and now I'm wondering when my niece is going to come spend a week with me because I know she's growing up really fast and I'd really like to get to know her better, too. But I digress.) Poompy took me way the fuck uptown, to the very tippy top of Manhattan to this neighborhood that he and my nephew had explored together. AND I COMPLETELY FELL IN LOVE WITH IT. It's the second-to-last stop off the A express train and so I was really hesitant to go because THAT IS SO FAR AWAY. But on a Saturday evening, with the all the trains running local and having just missed our train when we got to the platform so that we had to wait 15 minutes for another one, it only took us 45 minutes to get there. Including the 15 minute wait for a train. And on the way home? After 8 p.m. on a Saturday night? THIRTY MINUTES. THIRTY MINUTES TO 42ND ST. It's not that far away after all.

Oh and I can't even begin to tell you how spectacularly gorgeous this neighborhood is. It's like, it's like not even being in the city, except that you are still in Manhattan. And you're surrounded by huge parks on three sides and there is such a huge expanse of blue sky and so many trees everywhere and the parks are actually what is left over of actual REAL OLD GROWTH FOREST, THEY ARE NOT EVEN MAN-MADE PARKS DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION? DO YOU? BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU DO.

So we're moving. We don't know when, but hopefully it will be soon. And when I say "soon" I mean "next month". But I know, I have to be patient, it isn't as easy as all that, blah blah. It's just that I'm totally crawling out of my skin to go live in a place where I can be surrounded by trees and sky and more trees and trees that aren't all wimpy with little gates wrapped around them and still be really close to civilization. And honestly? There is a tiny part of me that is afraid to move to this neighborhood because up until now I've basically been counting down until I feel like it's ok for me to give up on NYC and move back to California but now? Now that I've found this oasis of nature at the top of the island? Now I think that if I lived there I might not ever want to leave.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Practicing their Kill Technique

And also, another example of why we call the blonde one "The Hellhound".

P.S. They did this for an hour and a half today, ALL OVER Central Park. But mostly wherever there were large expanses of dirt. They also did this all over Central Park yesterday morning and Friday morning. Is it any wonder then, why they are both passed out on the living room floor right now? Or why, when I jangle their leashes for a mid-afternoon pee walk they both look up at me as if saying, "God Woman! Haven't you had enough for one day?"

P.P.S. This video, as well as yesterday's, were shot on my PHONE. I can't believe it, can you?

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Warning: Will Make Your Heart Melt

Unless you are just a cold, cold worm.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

The Girl In The Window

I'm sorry, I can't NOT post this. It's just too incredible. You must read it.

Hard as it was to imagine, they doubted she had ever been taken out in the sun, sung to sleep, even hugged or held. She was fragile and beautiful, but whatever makes a person human seemed somehow missing.

Also, I had no idea how important the first five years are to human development. It just blows my mind. And makes me REALLY APPRECIATE the time my parents took playing with me, snuggling me, feeding me, talking to me and teaching me how to use a toilet. I know I sound snarky, but I'm being completely serious. And genuine. Which is unusual for me, so enjoy it.

Thanks to Dooce for pointing it out.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

The New Girl - Belated Update

I bet you're all wondering how things turned out with the new girl, huh?

Well, long story short, she tried to bully Dr. Boss and got fired. And then I told everyone at work about how she used to bully me when we were little kids and all the girls got really upset and asked me if I wanted them to kick the new girls ass and I felt SO VINDICATED.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Poll Results: If you could only pick one...

If you could only pick ONE rock band/musician/pop artist to listen to for the rest of your life, which/who would it be?

13 people voted. 46% of you chose Pink Floyd, 30% chose Radiohead, 15% chose Chopin, 7% chose Patsy Cline and NOT A SINGLE PERSON chose Prince or Elvis. WTF? Why you gotta hate?

Is it animal cruelty if the animal likes it?

Fish Pedicure

I can't believe I was JUST IN D.C. AND I MISSED THIS. I am so going back asap.

Thanks for sharing, Kim!

Monday, August 04, 2008

That Time I Partied Backwards.

Shame on me for never telling you all about my trip home to Los Angeles this past May. I'm a naughty blogger.

It was a really wonderful trip home, though really too short. Poompy and I got to spend time with my friend Mich and her husband and their 8 week old baby. (He won't admit it, but Poompy totally got all weepy-eyed when he held the infant in his arms.) We spent lots of time in our jammies visiting with my mama. We broke bread with friends and family multiple times. We stopped by our beautiful Hollywood bungalow and visited with our old neighbors. We took a road trip to Huntington Beach with Dopey to spend more time with family. We spent an afternoon on the Santa Monica Pier with more family. I went horse-back riding with my neice and nephew while Poompy ate at our favorite sushi place with his big brother. (After which Poompy gloated for hours about how awesome the sushi was and how NY sushi "sucks major balls" in comparison.) But I think the very best story of all comes from our second night in town, when my best fried Dopey threw us The Most Awesome Welcome To LA Party EVER.

Dopey had planned this rad party for us and she'd sent out invitations to all our friends and I was super excited about it. So excited about it that the first thing I did when I arrived at Dopey's house to help her prepare for the party was pass out on the pavement next to her pool. Why? Who knows. My brother suggested that perhaps I shouldn't have started drinking so early in the day, but what does he know? Anyway, the next thing I did was spend a couple of hours stretched across Dopey's bed, holding my stomach and groaning. About forty minutes before guests were supposed to start arriving, Poompy managed to convince me that it would be a good idea to stick my finger down my throat. I won't go into the gory details except to tell you all about how you can tell someone really loves you when they sit on the floor in the bathroom holding your hair and rubbing your back while you wretch and sob and say things like: "blaaaaagh*wretch*gag* I'm dying! *sob*bleeegh*gag* I think I'm dying please *wretch* make it stop! *gag*blegh* I don't want to die! *wretch*sob*gag*" Throwing up is gross. And it sucks. And it is NOT dignified. Certainly not when I do it.

I barely had time to brush my teeth before the guests started arriving and by then, well I just felt so much better that I drank two gin martini's and spent the rest of the night dancing on Dopey's coffee table before getting completely sober and driving home while working on next years taxes. I know how to have a good time, you know?

Cade and Meph

Cade and Meph, originally uploaded by Pretty Poo Eater.

I can't look at this photo without feeling like my entire body is melting, starting with that lump of black coal otherwise known as my "heart". I miss both of these guys so much that I can't even find words to talk about it.