Making dreams come true.

About a week ago, Michael and the dogs were locked out of the apartment. Of course he called the super to let him in, but the super was away and would not be home for at least two more hours, and I was temping for the day. So Mike decided to make lemonade out of lemons and use the time to explore our new neighborhood.

He discovered something grand:

Three blocks from our front door is a trail that leads off into a forest.

Um, hi! WE LIVE IN HARLEM. Not Inwood*, not Fort Tryon**. Harlem. Who knew there were forests in Harlem?? I didn't know that. Did you? Well, there are. Is. There is a forest in Harlem. And even though it is very small and very much littered with broken glass and condom wrappers and soda cans and even though you never escape the sound of traffic at any point on the trail, IT IS HEAVENLY.

(Perhaps you would not think it heavenly if you were used to living in a place where you were surrounded by huge forests, but I am used to living in a place where I am surrounded by huge steel buildings and masses of filthy concrete. It is all about perspective.)

(I think I will start walking in my forest with a garbage bag so I can pick up trash as I go. Then my Harlem Forest Trail will be even more beautiful.)

The last three days in a row, immediately after breakfast and coffee, Mike and I have leashed up the dogs and taken them to the forest, where, once we're about 100 feet in, we take off their leashes and watch as they gleefully charge ahead of us. I cannot explain the joy I feel when I watch those two little dogs tumbling, free of their leashes, romping amongst the grasses and trees, snuffling in the underbrush, exploring their surroundings.

Having them off-leash frees us to walk as leisurely as we want, holding hands or with our arms wrapped around each other's waists, like newlyweds. It reminds Mike and I how much we enjoy each other's company and how much we love those perfect little dogs - how much they love and trust us. My heart melts when Valentine stops in the middle of the trail, watching over her shoulder to make sure we catch up with her.

Theo is more in his own universe - a universe where the quest for rotting food never ends. We know he's a city dog because the squirrels and the birds? No reaction. If he gets held up on the trail, his nose under a log and his ears shut off from our calls, you can bet it's an old piece of pizza he's sniffing out and not the trail of some small animal.

My one major concern about moving so far uptown was that in order to get to Central Park, I would have to take the subway, which meant that I probably wouldn't ever take the dogs to Central Park again. Dogs on the subway = hassel that is totally not worth it. I really treasured our early morning off-leash adventures in Central Park and was sad to think we'd never do that again. Then Mike happened upon the forest and you know what? It is WAY better. Closer, quieter, more secluded, more beautiful. And off-leash any time of the day.

I needed this. I really needed this. Remember last year when I was lusting after large, open spaces? Maybe I can't grow a vegatable garden in my forest, but I can let my hounds run wild while I hold my husband's hand and turn my face upwards into the sunlit strewn sky.

*Inwood is The Greenest Place in Manhattan. It is surrounded by old-growth forest on three sides.

**Fort Tryon is also incredibly green and lush. Sibley loves it but I have yet to explore it.

P.S. Click on any of the photos to see to get a bigger view.

Reminds me of my college years.

This little kid has just had his tooth pulled by the dentist and he's still feeling the effects of the gas. Watching it was like living in the dorms again.

Just in case you need a laugh.

Thanks, Dooce!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Again.

Mike has been bugging me for the last few days to "take down that damn fire-hazard, already". He's afraid we're going to end up those people who still have their Christmas tree up in April. But that little tree has made me feel so happy and cozy for the last few weeks, that I couldn't bear to take it down! Until he told me that his ex-wife used to leave the tree up for weeks after Christmas and in my ongoing efforts to out-wife her, I decided to take it down today.

We had such a lovely, quiet, comfy little Christmas. And I realized that without even trying, we've already developed some of our own little holiday traditions that I will look forward to year after year. Like my (now) traditional mangled and mutilated gingerbread people.

And my (now) traditional blackberry Christmas pie.


And the new tradition of having brown paper packages delivered to my door all week before Christmas, full of gifts from family in California. And without realizing it, just in one Christmas, we accumulated a whole box-full of Christmasy decorations that we can put up next year. This is all very exciting for me and I reflected on all of this as I stripped our little tree and thanked her for giving me weeks of happiness this year.

In other news, our New Years Eve was spectacular, thanks in part to the lovely dinner that Joe threw at his and Adam's apartment.


But mostly it was spectacular because, as you all know because I can't shut the F up about it, MIKE SENT HIS NOVEL TO DAW PUBLISHING HOUSE AND THEN HE QUERIED TEN LITERARY AGENTS.

(Valentine and Theo pose with the manuscript, moments before it was taken to the post office and sent off to Daw.)

God Speed, Shadowline. May the force be with you.

I hope you, too, had a wonderful holiday and a happy new year. May we all thrive, evolve, love, live and learn in 2009.

Asking for your good thoughts and your crossed fingers.

This is one of the most exciting moments of my life. Mike has finally deemed his novel COMPLETE. He's submitting it to his top choice publisher tomorrow morning. He's also prepping queries to his top five lit agents - some to be sent via email first thing in the morning, some to be sent via snail mail, depending on the agents preference. I am shivering with the thrill of it all. I read the new draft over a 24 hour period because I LITERALLY COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN IT IS THAT GOOD. And please believe me when I say that I am almost as harsh a critic of him as I am of myself. There is no biased-ness going on here. The man is gifted. This is as exciting as the day my agent called me to tell me I booked 'Life On Mars'. I can't sit still. I'm totally freaking out. And you know what else? He told me today that he is 23,000 words into his second novel AND HE WON'T LET ME READ IT UNTIL THE FIRST DRAFT IS DONE. 

I'm asking for all of your most positive thoughts and feelings and crossed fingers and crossed toes and goodwill. I can't think of a better way to close out 2008 - and a better way to welcome 2009.

HE'S SUBMITTING HIS BOOK FOR PUBLICATION! HE'S SUBMITTING HIS BOOK FOR PUBLICATION! HE'S SUBMITTING HIS BOOK FOR PUBLICATION!

I'm so happy I could cry. 

Happy freaking New Year, people. I could kiss each one of you!

Mama, this post is for you.

XO

I know I've been away for a really long time but trust me, you were better off.

And I also know that my last few posts, and this post as well, are not "real" posts. But you're gonna have to give me some time while I warm up to this whole blogging thing again. In the mean time, I just had to share this with you because, well, I want to know if it makes you cry and laugh simultaneously, as it did me.

I hesitated when you asked me, because I am mean and evil and enjoy the sound of your head exploding, and then said yes. Of course. It's Halloween. And Leta, I don't think you have ever loved me more than you did in that moment. In fact, you took the time to hug me and tell me that I am wonderful before ripping into a full-sized Hershey's bar. It is not lost on me that you showed such affection because of a goddamn chocolate bar and not because I carried you in my womb for nine months or because I pushed your seven-pound body out my wee waw. For a chocolate bar that did not whip out its boob while standing in line at the post office because you needed to be fed. A chocolate bar that has not cupped its hands underneath your mouth as you throw up a cheese quesadilla. That being said, there is a reason you give boxes of chocolate to your loved ones on Valentine's Day and not, say, a picture of vaginal stitches next to a thought bubble that says, "I love you THIS much!"

Dooce. I adore her.

Sarah Palin In The Closet

Meet my friend, Marni Penning. She is my new hero.



p.s. she has three other Sarah Palin videos on her YouTube page, www.youtube.com/theladyhamlet

Punch Him In His Raptor Balls

I could survive for 54 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Weekly Poll - About 2 Weeks Late

I'm sorry guys. I know, I know, it's been 16 days. Things come up and life just moves so damn quickly. But what I can't believe is that out of 11 people, TEN of you voted that you'd rather be Jerry. That's 90%. I know that because I'm SMART. I don't know, I guess I'm not really surprised that more people didn't want to be the dumb hunter.

Anyway, I can't really think straight right now because on Saturday night after my nephew left to go back to LA (did I mention my nephew was here visiting for a week and we had the best time ever and he's so cool and I am crazy about him and one of the cool things about living three thousand miles away from everyone I love is that when someone gets to visit, even though I haven't seen them in a year, I get to spend a whole week of nearly uninterrupted time with them and it provides a bonding experience that I probably would never really get if I lived in the same city and saw them regularly at family functions and what not. Anyway, it was a fantastic week and now I'm wondering when my niece is going to come spend a week with me because I know she's growing up really fast and I'd really like to get to know her better, too. But I digress.) Poompy took me way the fuck uptown, to the very tippy top of Manhattan to this neighborhood that he and my nephew had explored together. AND I COMPLETELY FELL IN LOVE WITH IT. It's the second-to-last stop off the A express train and so I was really hesitant to go because THAT IS SO FAR AWAY. But on a Saturday evening, with the all the trains running local and having just missed our train when we got to the platform so that we had to wait 15 minutes for another one, it only took us 45 minutes to get there. Including the 15 minute wait for a train. And on the way home? After 8 p.m. on a Saturday night? THIRTY MINUTES. THIRTY MINUTES TO 42ND ST. It's not that far away after all.

Oh and I can't even begin to tell you how spectacularly gorgeous this neighborhood is. It's like, it's like not even being in the city, except that you are still in Manhattan. And you're surrounded by huge parks on three sides and there is such a huge expanse of blue sky and so many trees everywhere and the parks are actually what is left over of actual REAL OLD GROWTH FOREST, THEY ARE NOT EVEN MAN-MADE PARKS DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION? DO YOU? BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU DO.

So we're moving. We don't know when, but hopefully it will be soon. And when I say "soon" I mean "next month". But I know, I have to be patient, it isn't as easy as all that, blah blah. It's just that I'm totally crawling out of my skin to go live in a place where I can be surrounded by trees and sky and more trees and trees that aren't all wimpy with little gates wrapped around them and still be really close to civilization. And honestly? There is a tiny part of me that is afraid to move to this neighborhood because up until now I've basically been counting down until I feel like it's ok for me to give up on NYC and move back to California but now? Now that I've found this oasis of nature at the top of the island? Now I think that if I lived there I might not ever want to leave.

The New Girl - Belated Update

I bet you're all wondering how things turned out with the new girl, huh?

Well, long story short, she tried to bully Dr. Boss and got fired. And then I told everyone at work about how she used to bully me when we were little kids and all the girls got really upset and asked me if I wanted them to kick the new girls ass and I felt SO VINDICATED.

Poll Results: What's Grosser?

Very nice, folks. 22 people voted, and a wild 77% agree that it is grosser to walk around with sweat dripping of your body, than to carry a towel around the city to periodically mop up with. I'm gonna go put a clean towel in my purse.

Check over there on the right for this weeks poll.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

Overheard on 86th St.

Just as the 86 crosstown bus is pulling up to the stop and opening it's gaping doors, a little boy cries out, " NOOOOOOOOO! THE BUS IS GOING TO EEEEEEEEAT US!"

K, I gotta learn how to do this.

Stop laughing. That's what my apartment looks like.

Gettysburg: Part Uno

We've been home from Gettysburg for a week now and I still haven't really had a chance to write about the trip, even though I'VE BEEN DYING TO. We had such a fabulous time and we both felt like we squeezed a week long trip into two days. Which is a good thing. At least in our opinion.

Anyway, since there are a weeks worth of stories to tell, I'll try to break this up into a few parts. I can be pretty verbose as it is and I don't want anyone's eyes to drop out of their heads before we get to the part about the ticks. So here, for you, is Gettysburg: Part Uno.

Day one in Gettysburg was AWESOME. We couldn't have asked for better weather, really. It was raining when we first arrived in town, but it didn't matter because the first thing we did was hit the brand new Visitor Center which is home to a HUGE new museum. We got to see tons and tons of relics - relics that were known to have personally belonged to famous generals as opposed to just, you know, random relics. Have you ever seen this flag?



Badass, right? It was carried into battle by - uh, I totally forgot who - but it's pretty cool, huh? Each star represents a Union state or territory.



This is the very stretcher that carried Stonewall Jackson from the battlefield at Chancellorsville when he was accidentally shot by his own pickets. The blood stains you see? Totally his blood. Does that mean we could theoretically, potentially clone Stonewall Jackson? I wonder how he'd wear his facial hair nowadays

We finished up at the museum at about 2:55 p.m., but before we headed to the B&B I wanted to stop by the Visitors Information booth to ask about any special events that might be happening in the next two days. Poompy sort of went along with me because he couldn't go to the B&B without me, but he wasn't really interested in knowing about any special events. We ended up talking to the COOLEST park ranger EVER for about a half an hour. This guy had to be in his seventies, is a TOTAL Civil War buff and had some really cool suggestions for things we could do that most people don't know about. We had to endure a lecture on NOT hunting for relics, because I made a joke about a metal detector, but other than that it was super awesome. He even told us all about the history of the Iron Brigade - the brigade from Poompy's hometown. The brigade he would have been a part of if he had been born in the 1840's or 50's. Weird, huh?

TO BE CONTINUED....

Like A Record, Baby

We left Manhattan via Zip Car at about 8 a.m. on Monday morning. It was stressful driving out of the city because we had to change highways about a million times and neither of us are familiar with anything west of the West Side Highway. I was a touch worried at that point because, you know, it's never a good sign when you start a vacation by bickering with your travel mate. I mean, is it really MY fault that he prefers a map over written directions? If he wanted a damn map, he should've said so. It's not my job to read his mind. HE'S SUPPOSED TO READ MINE.

So we were pretty grumpy as we started out towards Pennsylvania, but our icy demeanor's melted fast when the guy driving the big rig in front of us decided it was a good idea to put his truck in reverse. Because driving backwards on the freeway is perfectly safe. Just picture it: Poompy and I are sitting in our little rented Toyota Matrix, waiting our turn to merge from one highway to another, when the reverse lights on the Mack truck in front of us come on and the truck starts moving backwards. Quickly. I lay on the horn because I'M ON THE FUCKING HIGHWAY SO I CAN'T BACK UP and Big Rig Asshole starts driving faster. In reverse. On the highway. And, by the way, the sound my horn makes is this pathetic little squeak. So now I'm pushing both fists into the horn and the horn is going, "ssssssqueak?" and I'm screaming "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" and the truck is still moving backwards and by now I am envisioning the rear tires coming up onto the hood of the Matrix on their way to crush our skulls. And just before the sound of crunching metal pierces the air, just as I begin to see my life flash before my eyes, I glance into my rear view mirror and realize that the guy behind me is changing lanes and there is no one behind him, so I shove the automatic-gear-shifter-thingy into reverse and GUN IT backwards, while simultaneously swerving into the far right lane. I know, right? But I managed not to kill/maim/injure anyone and no damage was done to the vehicle and I still had time to flip off the driver of the truck as he sped backwards past me.

It's hard to stay grumpy after you survive a probably-would've-been-fatal-car-crash-if-you'd-actually-crashed close call. You know? After that we were both pretty breathless and giddy. I was certain I'd lost at least five years off my life. Poompy insisted that I'd maneuvered beautifully and that I should take up stunt driving.

"Really?" I wanted to know. "I wasn't the crazy one, right? That guy was totally fucked up, right?"

"That guy was nuts. Or something was wrong with his truck. Either way. You handled that really well."

"Except for the part where I just sat there screaming."

"You're on the freeway! What else were you supposed to do?"

"Yeah. The horn on this thing SUCKS, huh? I bet he couldn't even hear me honking."

"But he saw you flip him off."

"Awesome."

And then we turned up the stereo and blasted "Road Trip Uno, Deaux, 3", a mix-CD I'd made especially for the occasion, and sang along to favorites like Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round" and Bangkok Five's "Straight Fell Off" and Dusty Springfield's "Son of a Preacher". We stopped at a McD's in Jersey to pee and get some greasy hash browns and we were surprised to find the place staffed entirely by little old ladies who were not impressed with my belching. But mmmm.... hash browns.
Two hours later we stopped at a McD's in Harrisburg, PA for lunch where I got to share the restroom with a young daddy and his little girl. Because there wasn't any toilet paper in the men's room, isn't that ridiculous? By the way, you know you're really broke and on a road trip when you eat at McD's twice in one day. But it was awesome. Our horsing around gave way to some new in-jokes (Damn New Yorkers!) and we spent so much time talking that we rediscovered why we're so crazy about each other. We talked and we talked and we talked and we talked and seriously, who knew I was married to such a cool, smart, funny guy? I mean, so what if he needs a map to go on a road trip? I can forgive him that flaw because he kept me laughing for over three hours. And he shares his french fries.

Playing catch up.

I have so much to tell you! I mean, I never told you how totally rad The Bangkok Five music video shoot was. I never told you all about the awesome book I was reading that I'm done reading now. I never told you how excited I am about my upcoming visit home. I never told you about how I signed with a new agent. I never told you about my job interview at a House of Domination. And I never told you that I booked a flight to Seattle for this upcoming September! See? SEE? SEE HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU???

Where should I begin? Perhaps at the beginning?

~I signed with an agent. On April 8th. He's rad, I'm super excited, I WANT TO GET AN ACTING JOB NOW SO PLEASE CAN I START GOING ON AUDITIONS? *breathe* I know, I have to be patient. These things take time, blah blah, it's hard to still be excited that I have an agent when I HAVEN'T BEEN ON AN AUDITION YET. 

~The Bangkok Five shoot was fantastic. I was surrounded by a group of wonderful people and it was just awesome to be working with artists who were genuinely concerned about the artistic aspect of the project. I feel like I have a bazillion stories to tell about the three day shoot, but if I tell it here, this post will take you an hour to read, so I'll save it for a rainy day. But I do want to say this one thing: Whenever I belched, the entire crew erupted in laughter and applause and then a belching contest would ensue. I always won. It might have been the highlight of my year.

~I'm going home to visit my family and friends and I will be there in just four days. I am very excited. It will be sunny and warm and I will spend at least one whole day at the beach. I will go shopping with Dopey and lounge around drinking tea with my Mama and my Marta and I will have coffee conversations with my Papa and I will have long lunches with my brother and his beautiful wife. I will drink wine and indulge in deep heart-to-hearts with Pucci. I will revel in the joys of a party Dopey is throwing just for me and Poompy. I will bond with my niece and nephews. I will see dear dear friends I haven't seen in a year. It will be wonderful and, I'm certain, far too short.

~I purchased tickets for me and Poompy to go to Seattle to visit my grandmother and all my aunts and uncles and cousins and I am so excited. Poompy has never been to Seattle and it is one of my favoritest places ever. I am really looking forward to seeing family I haven't seen in (gasp) seven years, but I'm mostly excited to meet my new cousin-who-isn't-yet-finished-being-made-but-should-be-ready-for-his/her-world-premiere-somewhere-around-July-22-and-in-the-meantime-is-currently-residing-in-the-uterus-of-my-beloved-and-beautiful-and-brilliant-cousin-Angie. The trip wouldn't be possible if my Auntie Anne and Cousin Angie hadn't offered up their spare beds. I am forever grateful to the both of them.

~I got called for a job interview at a House of Domination.

Do you ever just like to waste time goofing around on Craigslist? I sure do. My favorite things to read are the 'm4w' and 'w4m' sections because I think they're just hilarious. Especially when those freaks include naked-y pictures of themselves. (It is a personal favorite past time of mine to look at people's self-proclaimed Sexy Pics and point and laugh hysterically.) I also occasionally like to read the 'Rant and Rave' posts. I don't read the 'Pets' postings because they make me cry. Once in a while I check out 'ETC Jobs' because those can be pretty funny, too. Last week there was an 'ETC Job' posting for a Dominatrix at a House of Domination (No experience necessary!) Too funny. I couldn't resist emailing. I had this fantasy of going in for a job interview and watching a training session just for the story I could write about it afterwards. AND THEY TOTALLY EMAILED BACK TO SET UP AN INTERVIEW! And then.... and then.....

I lost my nerve.

See, I think that if I was a real writer, I'd call and set up an interview. But, try as I might, I just can't bring myself to do it. I talk a big game, but I'm really just a kitten. Not even. I'm a teensy mouse.

~I read this incredible book. Everupme I love must read it. It's called In Defense of Food and it is written by Michael Pollan who just might be my new hero. It is such an incredible book that I am not going to write about it right now because you've been reading this post for so long that you're probably just skimming by now and when I decide to write about In Defense of Food I want your complete and utter undivided attention. So check back later for details.

Love you, miss you, sorry I've left you hanging for so long, I know it just kills you not to know every sordid detail of my sad little life on a daily basis so I promise I will try really hard to write more often.

Smooches.

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

DUDE! Check THIS out!!!!!

Then go HERE.

How freaking awesome is that????

I Want This Weekend, Too.

Again, thanks to Kim's Kitchen Sink. She reads good stuff, that girl.

Wanna know my fantasy weekend? Read this. Though the article is really about much more than just a nice weekend.

p.s. as I work Saturdays, I haven't had a real weekend off in almost a year. Sundays are the only day I get to myself and can you guess how I usually spend them? Catching up on chores and errands. And not fun ones. But life is good, so I'll keep my complaining to a minimum.