Wait.
Why was I at the laundry mat when I have a perfectly lovely laundry room in the basement of my fabulous new apartment? Because Theo has regressed since our move and is punishing us for disrupting his life by pissing wherever he wants, whenever he wants. And last night he felt like pissing rivers all over my down comforter. It's a good thing he's pretty.
Anyway, Mike wasn't able to wash the comforter today and I didn't get home from work until after seven and the basement closes at seven, so if I wanted to sleep with a clean comforter tonight, which I did, I had to walk down the block and wash my comforter at the laundry mat. (How's THAT for a run-on sentence? Anyone want to correct it? Anyone? I DARE YOU.)
So I'm at the laundry mat (how long is it going to take for me to tell this story? Years. Seriously. Years.) and I'm REALLY REALLY GRUMPY because, of course, this is the 26th day of my .... erhm .... cycle, and so I believe that Mike didn't wash the comforter on purpose, because he hates me. Because that makes sense. Not washing piss-soaked comforter = spouse hates you. While I'm at the laundry mat Mike calls me to tell me all about this community volunteering meeting he went to, and he's all excited, but I'm Grumpy so I say:
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW."
And he's all: "What are you so mad about?"
And I'm all: "I'M IN PUBLIC AND I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS IT."
And then he's all: "What did I do?"
And I'm like: "I'M GOING TO HANG UP ON YOU BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY RIGHT NOW."
And then I hang up on him. (Aren't I pleasant?) That's when I notice my next-door neighbor standing beside to me. I smile weakly, because I'm grumpy and have no energy for smiles.
She looks me up and down for a minute and then she says, "Damn. You were such a bitch on the phone."
"Pardon me?"
"I said, You were such a bitch on the phone."
And then I laughed. Because, you know what? She was totally right.
7 comments:
See, it's only the pronouns or where/were that trigger my psychosis.
I used to sleep with my cat Snuggles until the day when I woke up to the realization that he had peed on me without moving. And since it was 2:00am, I slept with the pee.
If it had been the 26th day of my cycle I probably would have had a much louder reaction, though.
I don't know what it is about pee, but I think it's way worse than dog vomit. :)
For me it's the other way around. If it had been cat vomit I would have been all "OHMYGODMOOOOOOOM" or more realistically tried to get a new comforter. I think it's the fact that pee is sterile.
"Anyway, Mike wasn't able to wash the comforter today and I didn't get home from work until after seven. The basement closes at seven, so if I wanted to sleep with a clean comforter tonight, which I did, I had to walk down the block and wash my comforter at the laundry mat."
I think you lose the tone and pace of the run-on when you disrupt the flow with a period. Sorry. Couldn't resist the challenge.
I have to say, I agree that pee is worse than puke, at least when it comes to small dogs. My reasoning? vomit is a localized issue, while pee seeps into everthing.
See? Thank you. We have the same mind. At least when it comes to run-on sentences, dog pee and George. :)
You just made me laugh out loud. As usual. Also, I like your new header and I'm not sure how long it's been new, but it's special.
Also, this comment sucks.
I heart your neighbor.
Post a Comment