After brunch with friends.

Me: No, I was ready WAY before you.
Him: Um, whatever. I only got sidetracked because I was waiting for you.
Me: BUT I WAS READY TO GO.
Him: YOU'RE ALWAYS THE ONE WHO'S RUNNING LATE.
(Awkward pause.)
Me: We should stop arguing. We're making our friends uncomfortable.
Kevin: No, no. It's ok.
Me: Than why do you look so uncomfortable?
Beth: He always looks uncomfortable after he eats.