Purity Balls THIS, Dickwad.

Sibley posted an article he found in the NY Times about "Purity Balls". I clicked on it expecting to find some funny article about some weird, new age-y psychedelic thing to help you with your health or something, but that is not what a "Purity Ball" is at all. It's a ball (as in formal event involving dancing) for fathers and daughters to attend where they dance all night and make pledges to each other about how they will remain pure in thought and action. The fathers promise to be pure and faithful to the girls' mothers and the daughters promise to stay pure in mind and body until they get married.

This makes me feel crazy for several reasons.

For one thing, pledging to your daddy that you will stay pure until you marry is just creepy. Sure, it's nice that daughters and fathers can talk about sex (or are they just promising never to talk about sex?) and it is certainly nice that the dads are promising to be available and supportive when their little girls are faced with pressure to have sex. That is one thing. But this goes a lot further than that. There is a photograph accompanying the article of a young girl (she looks about 14) and she's on her knees in front of her father, and he's staring down at her and she's gazing up at him with big doe eyes and as she promises to stay pure until she gets married. It just looks a little inappropriate. What normal man would feel comfortable making his teenage daughter get down on her knees in front of him and make promises about sex? Isn't that weird? Or am I the only one who thinks so?

That aside, I have a really big problem with parents teaching their kids that they must stay virgins until they are married. I mean, sure, ok, people can do whatever they want. I know I wouldn't want my 14 year old having sex, but should I make her feel like she is a bad person if she does? Because it seems like that is the message these people are trying to send. I also think that when you teach your daughter that she must stay a virgin until she gets married, you're encouraging her to get married at 19 to some schmo she's only dated for six months. Personally, I would rather my kid experiments with sex safely than marry someone before they're even old enough to have a cocktail. Marriage is a not a little thing. It's not something you do so you can have sex without worrying about sinning. Marriage is a life-time commitment and I just don't believe that 19 year olds are ready to make that kind of a commitment. I know I wasn't when I was 19. I didn't fully realize the hugeness of the commitment until after I was married. I'm just thankful I married Poompie and not one of the schmo's I dated before I met him. I would surely be divorced by now. Oh wait. I did and I am. EMBARRASSING.

You know what else? I would rather my daughter experiment with safe sex than have anal sex because she thinks she can stay a virgin that way. WHAT? you say. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT FROST? I'm talking about all the girls I knew in high school, good little Christian girls who wore purity rings and swore to their daddies that they would wait until marriage to have sex, who let their boyfriends stick it up their pooper because they could satisfy their boyfriends and stay virgins at the same time. And they didn't bother with condoms because you can't get pregnant if he's just putting it in the back door! But seriously? (Heh, heh. Butt seriously.) If you're having anal sex, you aren't a virgin. It's sex. It's sex. It's sex. You aren't a virgin, stop lying to yourself.

Then there's the whole idea that once you have sex, you are no longer pure. What is it about sex that is so dirty that once you do it you are no longer pure? These people are also quoted as saying things like, they want their daughters to be girls of "integrity and purity". So wait. Let me just get this straight. if you have sex you don't have integrity? Oh it gets me riled up.

One girl interviewed for this Purity Ball article says, "The culture says you’re free to sleep with as many people as you want to.” Really? REALLY? Because I'm pretty sure the culture says if I have sex with as many people as I want to, I'm a whore. I think this culture says that if I want to be a well respected woman with class, I shouldn't have any sex at all. Or, at the very least, I shouldn't enjoy it. The guy who organized this particular Purity Ball is quoted as saying, "Fathers, our daughters are waiting for us. They are desperately waiting for us in a culture that lures them into the murky waters of exploitation. They need to be rescued by you, their dad.” Fuck you. I'm sorry, but that is the only thing I can think of to say. FUCK YOU. A culture that lures them into the murky waters of exploitation? What a joke. These jerks are giving their daughters some horrible complexes. Want to make your daughter feel ashamed of her vagina? Embarrassed of her sexuality? Want her to feel guilty whenever she actually enjoys sex with a man she loves? Just tell her, at the tender age of fourteen, that in order to have integrity and be pure of heart, she has to be a virgin. I think these beliefs just encourage girls to feel bad about themselves for having sex and worse, it encourages them to feel bad and dirty and guilty for actually enjoying sex.

And why aren't there Purity Balls for boys? Because boys don't like going to balls? How about Purity Baseball Games? Or Purity Soccer Matches? Or Purity Video Game Nights? I guess it's because boys don't have to worry about their purity.

A girl friend told me recently that, during a break up, the guy she was dating said, "I don't want to be friends with benefits because I think you're classier than that." Because apparently women who have consensual sex simply for the pleasure of sex are not classy. What about the guy who has consensual sex simply for the pleasure of it? What is he? Does he still get to be classy?

I'm really interested in what you think about this. I want to know what other people think. Really. Even if you call me a whore.