Friday, September 04, 2009

He thinks roadkill is good eatin'

I always have these grand imaginings. Adam says that my life is like that part in (500) Days of Summer where the audience sees the split-screen of Tom's Expectation next to his Reality and it's so awful because his Expectation is SO HIGH and Reality is. so. average.

Speaking of that movie, who's title I don't feel like typing out again, have you ever seen a movie so brilliant, that while you are watching it you alternate between wanting to call everyone you know to demand that they see it and feeling like your life is a worthless mess because you could never create anything so beautiful? That is how I felt when I watched that movie. And then it ended. And the ending was so awful, so lame, so cheap, so insipid... that I finally understood why my dad is always talking about the third act of movies and why they're so important. The ending actually offended me. I was actually offended. Because of the ending, and only the ending, I would recommend that you spend your $12.50 on a different movie. Or, at the very least, that you leave the theatre at the 1 hour 20 minute mark. I mean it.

So anyway, I have these grand imaginings and I'm frequently disappointed. (Right, I should probably work on lowering my expectations. But the fantasy is so fun.) I really thought I would write a big beautiful heartwarming post about my husband's return from the JMT, and my experience of not being able to see him or talk to him for twenty-one days. You know, I'd write all about how much better my life is when he's around, yet how much I learned about myself from being on my own for nearly a month, blah blah blah. Because it's a kind of a big deal to be out of communication with your spouse for twenty-one days.

But I didn't write a thing. This post was written eight days after his return. Eight! Because when he came home and it was time to write the big heartwarming post, I just couldn't tear myself away from him long enough to write. And then? When I finally could tear myself away? By then he was leaving dirty socks on the floor again, so... you know.

I'm kidding. He is leaving his socks on the floor, but it's also so wonderful to have him home, even with the dirty socks, that sometimes I just sit and stare at him, like when he's in the middle of doing something or whatever, and I just can't believe he's sitting there. Home. Mere inches away.

That's usually when I reach out and pinch him, really hard. And then he gets upset and yells about how violent I've become. But at least he's home.

I didn't take any photos the night he came back, and I only took a few the next day. I was too busy staring at him with awe and adoration to take a lot of photos. But, and aren't you lucky, I did take photos of his scary weight loss and his mountain man beard:

Escada is doing a whole Mountain Man look this fall. Just wait.

I'd like to point out that in this photo, Mike is wearing the jeans that were giving him muffin-top the day he left for his trip. If you ever want to lose fifteen pounds in three weeks, all you have to do is hike 15-20 miles every day while wearing a fifty-pound backpack. It's way better than that maple-syrup-lemon-pepper diet. (We're not going to comment on the farmer's tan though, ok?) (Update: Mike has corrected me. It's a hiker's tan. My sincere apologies.) (Weirdo.)

We spent his first day home whispering over our pillows, catching up on life over the last three weeks, going through the photos from his trip and eating. A lot. I cooked for him and fussed over him and rubbed his feet, he read all my blog posts and exclaimed over my new cooking skillz, and then he took me to see District 9 which was brilliant. Loved it. LOVED it. Including the third act. GO SEE IT.

Also that day? We shaved off The Beard. Which we really should have named, by the way. That thing had developed it's own personality.

The first cut

A young Colonel Sanders.

If Michael were a Civil War reenacter.
Or a hipster.

P.S. Look closely at his shoulders. Do you see the red scabs on both shoulders? In the shapes of backpack straps? Gnarly.



'Cita said...

Somehow, Michael looks like he also left at leat 10 years out on the trail, along w/ that 15 lbs. Now you get to fatten him up again!

SchizotypalVamp said...

I liked the ending.. :/

Kim said...

Yay. I only sort of wrote a "Will Has Returned From 47 Days On The Trail (54 Days Apart) And Boy Howdy Is It Awesome" post...but like you, I found it difficult to really put it into words. Especially given that our first 3 days together were "vacationing" at his parents' house in Washington. And then we came home, and it's been a week, and he's started to move his stuff into the apartment, and it's everywhere (my stuff and his) and I can't really relax yet.

Also. The beard. He shaved (trimmed) yesterday while I was at work. Glorious.

Funnily (it's a word!) enough, this wasn't the worst his beard has been. It was about the same as his NHL Playoff beard this year, but nowhere near as awful as the beard he grew in college "just to see how long it would get." When the beard grows this long, he gets what we call "the collar" - where the beard hair on his neck grows OUT from his neck and curves upward, kind of like a collar. It's pretty bad.

But it's gone now, and he is all nice and trimmed! You've seen the pre-hike shave pictures, right? Oof.

Also, he lost about 20 pounds on this trip, and (happily) is contemplating ways to keep his new, trimmer figure now that he's not hiking all day long :-)

This comment was so long.

Frosty said...

Cita - We're trying NOT to fatten him up! ;-)

Vamp - If they'd ended the movie with Tom and Summer sitting on the bench after the big conversation about why she didn't stay with him, I would have been happy. But all that saccharine bull sh*t at the end with Autumn and the job interview? GAG ME.

Kim - I have a girl-crush on you.

Kim said...

The feeling is mutual. Duh. I love that that after all these years, Mr. G was right, and we really should know each other ;-)

Frosty said...

Did Mr. G say that?

I love that man. I wonder if he knows how much? I never talk to him. Why don't I talk more to the people I love?

George said...

I actually hated the movie all the way up to the end and the end turned me because I got that the point of the movie was that you have to go through the bad in life in order to be ready to recieve the good. I liked the ending.