No One Memed Me

So, I'm totally obsessed with the blogging world now. Which is funny because, when blogs first started becoming a "thing", I thought they were the LAMEST thing EVER. I NEVER thought I'd be writing one, let alone reading the blogs of strangers. But I totally do it and I totally love it.

People In The Sun is one of my faves, and a few weeks ago, he memed the world in this post. And, since I'm stupidly bored at work today, I thought I'd take on his challenge.

(Oh, just in case you don't know what a meme is, and don't feel bad because I had to look it up myself, a meme is like a chain letter game, like the emails you get that say "send to 7 other friends..." This one is about 7 different things that you most likely do not know about the person writing. And like People In The Sun, I'm not going to challenge 7 specific people, but I WILL collectively challenge the universe!)

Ready? Go.

1. I'm afraid of monsters. Seriously. I'm terrified of the dark and I ALWAYS check for monsters wherever I think they might be hiding. The shower, closets, behind curtains, under the bed ... On a really bad day, I think they could hide in the most impossible places and I find myself checking in the oven and in cupboards and whatnot. God only knows what I'd do if I actually FOUND a monster one day. Probably stab it with a pencil* or something. And you know what really freaks me out about having kids? I just KNOW that the first time Frosty Jr. comes crying to me that there's a monster in her closet, I will absolutely LOSE my shit. No way can I handle that kind of crap. No way.

2. Other people coughing REALLY freaks me out. Really really really freaks me out. I HATE it when people cough without covering their mouths. It makes me want to throw up. And I hate it almost as much when they cough all over their hands, because you KNOW they're just gonna go touch something I have to touch, so they might as well have just coughed all over everything. I get so freaked out that I think I can actually SEE their germs crawling around all over the place. The only acceptable thing is to cough into a tissue, or at the very least, into ones elbow. Ones elbow does not touch the keyboard I have to touch, or the door knob I have to touch, or the support-pole-thingy on the subway that I have to touch. Which leads me to.....

3. I'm terrified of germs. I can't stand touching stair rails or doorknobs, or soap dispensers, or anything that is touched by the general public. I think the general public is generally disgusting. I'm afraid of my shoe laces and the bottoms of my shoes. I'm afraid of the ground because I believe it is crawling with fecal germs from the bottoms of shoes that walked on the floors of public restrooms and dirty sidewalks. I think a toilet seat is one of the grossest things in the entire world. And yet, somehow, I'm able to completely turn off that part of my brain whenever it is convenient for me. I LOVE it when my dogs, who happen to enjoy eating poo, lick my face. I will happily lay belly down on the filthy sidewalk if it means getting a really good photo of a dead thing. I'd rather let my bathroom turn green with mould than actually clean it. And I'd rather have filthy, germy hands than use that hand sanitizer crap because I'd rather have hands full of live germs than hands full of the corpses of dead germs. Because I just think that is grosser.

4. It drives me crrrraaaaazy when people are early. I think it's rude and inconsiderate. I'm not talking about for appointments or anything. For appointments, like a job interview or something, being five minutes early is appropriate. I'm talking about social engagements. If I've invited you over at 7 p.m. and you knock on my door at 6:45, I officially HATE you.

5. It is physically painful to wake up in the morning. Probably because I never get enough sleep. Because I hate going to bed. I dread it. No matter how tired I am, I just do not want to go. But once I'm IN bed, almost nothing can pull me out of it. My alarm will go off twenty times over a two hour period and I won't budge. Though, Poompy and a fresh cup of coffee usually do the trick. I usually get up for that. I heart Poompy.

6. My absolute favoritest favoritest favoritest FAVORITEST thing to do in my free time is to pull out the couch bed, pile it with pillows and blankets from my bed, curl up with Poompy and the beasts and watch hours upon hours of Netflix DVD's. Gawd how I love that. And Poompy and the beasts are all the most fantastic cuddlers in the world. Seriously. Poompy lays down first and I curl up into his side with my face on his chest. Then Theo squeezes in between us and buries his nose under my chin. Then Valentine lays down on top of Theo and pushes her nose in the little space between my face and Poompy's chest. Then Toby squeezes himself into whatever space is left up against my belly. And if we're really really lucky, even Amelia will come and curl up on our feet. Oh, it makes my heart swell just thinking of it. I live in the most exciting city in the U.S. and all I want to do is curl up in my tiny nest with my tiny family. It's just so heavenly.

7. I'm going to be famous. And by 'famous', I mean I am going to be a highly respected, highly paid, award winning actor. I know it, deep deep down inside my soul, I am absolutely SURE that that is who I am: a highly respected, highly paid, award winning actor. I just happen to be stuck in the body of a starving, non-working actor, but that is really just temporary. For reals.









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*I used to have a roommate who kept very different hours than me. One night I woke up around 1 a.m. and heard something shuffling around in the living room. I knew it was a monster come to kill me. I just KNEW it. I lay in bed, sweating furiously, shaking under the covers, barely able to breathe, trying desperately to figure out how to protect myself. I scanned my brain for every possible weapon-like-object in my bedroom. The only thing I could come up with was a pencil. I thought that at least, by sticking the pencil in the monsters eye socket, throat or even his knee-pit, I might buy myself some time. So I creeped out of bed, got my pencil, and stealthily made my way out of my bedroom. I tip-toed into the living room, pencil poised for stabbing, and found my roommate just sitting on the couch, goofing around on his computer. He looks up at me, my face white with terror, arm poised above my head, pencil ready to go and says, "What the HELL are you doing?" Uh...... I thought you were a monster?