This weekend Valentine woke me up in the middle of the night by vomiting all over my face. I jumped awake thinking someone had dumped a bucket of warm water on my head, but it was just Valentine, her wet little nose pressed to mine, emptying the contents of her belly all over her mama. Because that's what widdle babies do when dey don't feel well. And I did what any mama would do. I wiped myself off, put Valentine back to bed, laid a towel over the wet spot on my mattress, and fell back asleep.
The next morning I got up, went about my normal morning routine, and then settled in to work on the unpacking. Around noon, I noticed Michael staring at me.
"What?"
"Um ... have you ... showered today?"
"What? Why?"
"Because, um, it looks like you still have dog vomit in your hair."
"Huh? Oh. Whatevs. It's just a little dog puke."
"..."
"What?"
"That's a hormone thing, isn't it."
"That's a hormone thing, isn't it."
"What are you talking about?"
"Someone threw up on you ten hours ago and you still haven't showered."
"It was mostly water. And it came from Valentine."
"I am going to believe that this is an X chromosome thing because otherwise, this is just too disturbing. So this is an X chromosome thing. A 'getting ready to be a mommy thing'. Ok? Just tell me that's what it is."
That's when Valentine leapt off the couch, trotted over to me, put her little paws on my shoulders and started licking my face.
"Oh god. That is disgusting."
"What are you talking about? Dese are doggy kisses! Da best widdle kisses in da world!"
"I'm filing a complaint against your hormones."
"Papa dust doesn't understand our wuv, does he baby girl? No he doesn't! He doesn't! Das a good widdle baby doggy." *smooching*snuggles*yummytimes*
"What are you talking about? Dese are doggy kisses! Da best widdle kisses in da world!"
"I'm filing a complaint against your hormones."
"Papa dust doesn't understand our wuv, does he baby girl? No he doesn't! He doesn't! Das a good widdle baby doggy." *smooching*snuggles*yummytimes*
" ... She eats poop. You're covered in dried vomit, kissing something that eats poop. ... ... ... WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY WIFE?"
8 comments:
That is love, right there. PS I love your dogs. Anytime you need a free dog sitter/walker....
It's just a little vomit... you're still in there somewhere.
I've gotten to a point with Scamper where I wake up when he first starts to puke. Usually I run him over to the toliet and everything's cool. I'm lucky though, he has warning heaves!
I'm with Mike...
I'd have been in the shower for an hour (hey, poetry) 15 seconds after I got puked on.
Yeah, I guess I must be missing that X chromosome...
I'm with Hawk and Jennifer....You I don't know.
You are a hoot. Years ago I'm in the pick up truck with my wife (wearing shorts) and her brother after a cookout. Our golden retriever's head is resting on her lap when out comes lunch. You could count the chicken livers. She screamed and covered her face. I said, "Don't look. I'm pulling into a gas station for the hose." In twenty seconds the dog ate the livers and licked her legs shiny clean. Finally the screaming stopped and we looked at her brother. He had passed out COLD. Wuss! :-)
ok, ok, but here's REAL love. I am awakened in the dead of night by... my 1st born son, who has gently awakened me to request that I come clean up his brother, 2nd born son, and his brother's puke, AFTER his brother, 2nd born son, had leaned over the side of their bunk bed and vomited all over 1st born son's face... who knew a brother could be #1 that forgiving, and #2 that gentle in the midst of the mess. I AM a lucky mama, and 2nd born son, a lucky brudda...
and once you peed all over me in the dead of night, and I still love you =) Missy!
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