Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Sans Underpants

I recently found out that one of my friends goes to auditions without her underpants.

I don't know about you, but when I think of a girl who doesn't wear underpants, I think of Britney Spears. I mean, come on. A lady doesn't not wear underpants. Right?

That being said, I want you to know that this friend of mine happens to be one of the most lady-like women I've met in a very long time. This girl is highly educated, has an IQ of 160; she's beautiful, poised, classy and demure; she's a gifted artist with a strong work ethic and more integrity in her little finger than most people manage in a lifetime. Seeing as how I have always turned my nose up at the kind of girls who would run around without panties on, when she told me she sometimes doesn't wear them, I responded by gasping and crying out in horror, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU??"

"Panty lines." she said, matter-of-factly. "Panty lines and, well, it's very freeing. You should try it some time."

And so I did. One week later. Trust me, I hadn't planned on not wearing underpants that day. It just happened. I was changing in the bathroom at the audition site and I had brought a pair of underpants that claim to not show panty lines but they totally lie because I could definitely see them under my little black dress and not only could I see them, but I could see where they were cutting into my butt and waist and it was not flattering. So I took them off. Just like that - just to try it out. And I couldn't deny that the dress definitely looked better without underpants. I walked out of the bathroom and looked around at the other actors. My heart was racing. Could they tell? Was it obvious? Am I trashy? Are people staring? But no one seemed to notice. No one even looked up at me. So I walked over to an empty seat and put my stuff down and goodness! Sitting became a whole new adventure. As did crossing my legs, standing up, walking. However, I was determined to give this a fair shot. My name was called, I walked into the audition room - Oh God are they staring at me? Can they tell? Are they gonna think horrible things about me? But everything seemed normal. I mean, I was unbelievably self-conscious but I sang really well because I wasn't thinking about singing. It turned out to actually be a pretty great audition.

Last week I tried it again. At my Marilyn Monroe audition. I wore The Dress Called Sin*. And Sin just, well, really the main reason I've never worn Sin is because underpants are so obvious and it always looks like The Dress Called Sin With Bad Panty Lines which is so not sinful. So I wore Sin and I skipped the underpants and it was kind of wonderful. Sin looked utterly sinful, I looked utterly gorgeous and I felt .... free. 

There are lessons to be learned here, kids:

1) Never judge a person by their decision to or not to wear underpants;
2) Underpants don't determine one's level of trashiness;
3) Not wearing underpants is kind of awesome.

(My mother is probably cringing right now. I don't blame her. But to that I say, "You should try it sometime!")

*Sin is this incredible red dress that is so clingy and so sexy and so completely H-O-T that it really, really should have some kind of license requirement. And you just can't, I mean, you really cannot wear anything under it because it is that clingy. It kind of looks like it's been painted on. I don't know what I was thinking when I bought it, which is why I've never worn it, but now that I can wear it without underpants and not feel trashy, well. Watch Out New York. And a special Thank You to my classy, gorgeous, poised, under-pants-free friend who taught me that it's OK to go without.

12 comments:

-J. said...

I knew I should have been a casting agent.

George said...

you know..... I have always been of the impression that women comonly went comando, specifically because of pantylines. Oddly enough, when brittney got called out i couldnt understand what all the hullaballo was about becuase i thought it was normal and common for women to wear certain clothing, particularly more skin hugging stuff sans knickers. wierd how different one persons reality is from the next. I mean here I am thinking you probly dont wear underwear sometimes, or as the outfit requires and thinking nothing trashy of it, and here you are standing next to me thinking it would be disgusting or unladylike not to wear underwear!!! spooky

g

A Serious Girl said...

-j. - EWWWW!!!! ;-)

george - but see, that was the OLD me. Now, I probably won't be wearing underpants when I'm standing next to you and neither of us will think anything of it! (Oh gosh, I am kind of cringing. How embarrassing.)

George said...

well now whenever im stanging next to you im gonna be wondering if you are wearing underpants cause we've talked about it so much and now its gonna be awekward!!

A Serious Girl said...

Well, maybe you shouldn't be "stanging" next to me!

;-)

George said...

I'll stang wherever i want miss nitpicky!!!

Jennifer said...

OMG. I am just DYING to know who this friend is. I Mean WHO DOES THAT????

Can't wait to meet the 'rents next week.

PS - dying that I am just now reading this.....

-J. said...

You mean it's not you?! Well, there goes that guess.

Jennifer said...

Of course its not me...as if I have class or poise....sheesh..

and maybe to Tricia I should just say "you're welcome."

;)

A Serious Girl said...

I'm impressed. This post has garnered more comments than any other post EVER. I should talk about underpants, or the lack thereof, more often.

John L Taylor said...

I thought it was Jennifer too!

Jennifer said...

Sibley is still stumped. He seems a little preoccupied by it. I think all of Frosty's actress friends should post an affirmative or a negative so Sibley can sleep at night.