Mama, this post is for you.

XO

First one to guess what film/book/tv show this quote is from wins my heart and my undying respect FOREVER. P.S. I think it will be George.

Why don't you just crawl back into that open sewer pipe you call the 'Holland Tunnel' and flush yourselves back to "Almost New York". Because I will do a lot of things to get laid, but I will NOT go to New Jersey.

P.P.S. I miss you Georges!

I know I've been away for a really long time but trust me, you were better off.

And I also know that my last few posts, and this post as well, are not "real" posts. But you're gonna have to give me some time while I warm up to this whole blogging thing again. In the mean time, I just had to share this with you because, well, I want to know if it makes you cry and laugh simultaneously, as it did me.

I hesitated when you asked me, because I am mean and evil and enjoy the sound of your head exploding, and then said yes. Of course. It's Halloween. And Leta, I don't think you have ever loved me more than you did in that moment. In fact, you took the time to hug me and tell me that I am wonderful before ripping into a full-sized Hershey's bar. It is not lost on me that you showed such affection because of a goddamn chocolate bar and not because I carried you in my womb for nine months or because I pushed your seven-pound body out my wee waw. For a chocolate bar that did not whip out its boob while standing in line at the post office because you needed to be fed. A chocolate bar that has not cupped its hands underneath your mouth as you throw up a cheese quesadilla. That being said, there is a reason you give boxes of chocolate to your loved ones on Valentine's Day and not, say, a picture of vaginal stitches next to a thought bubble that says, "I love you THIS much!"

Dooce. I adore her.

Sarah Palin In The Closet

Meet my friend, Marni Penning. She is my new hero.



p.s. she has three other Sarah Palin videos on her YouTube page, www.youtube.com/theladyhamlet

Punch Him In His Raptor Balls

I could survive for 54 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

This is what's been on my mind, pretty constantly, for the last several weeks. It's keeping me awake at night, so pay close attention.

Actor David Ackert said this on his website. A good friend of mine, who is also one of my mentors, sent this to me a couple of years ago, probably when she was the age I am now, and feeling the way I've been feeling.

Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in one year than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, actors face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get "real" jobs, and their own fear that they'll never work again. Every day, they have to ignore the possibility that the vision they have dedicated their lives to is a pipe dream. With every role, they stretch themselves, emotionally and physically, risking criticism and judgment. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal life - the car, the family, the house, the nest egg.

But they stay true to their dream, in spite of the sacrifices. Why?

Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to a moment - to that line, that laugh, that gesture, or that interpretation that will stir the audience's soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another's heart. In that instant, they were as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes.

Discuss.

Weekly Poll - Should we keep this up?

I was kinda surprised, guys. 57% said you totally love the weekly poll. 21% are over it and 21% didn't even know it existed.

If you didn't know it existed, why did you vote? Just askin'.

So I guess majority rules and I'll keep it up for a little while longer. Although, this week I'm getting a little deeper than usual. Because I've really been reexamining my life and I'm curious how other people view their life. And there is a fly buzzing by my head and it's making me loopy.

Next week I'll ask you what you think about farts.