A breath in the middle of it all

Oh my gosh it feels so good to be here again.

I have been away for far too long and let me tell you, it has hurt. I'm sorry about all the snake-eats-mouse photos. I fell off The Project wagon a few weeks back and kept thinking I'd be able to pick it up again and so had all these photos laying around, photos I'd taken all on the same day, of Meph eating these four mice, and I just set them all to scheduled posts because I didn't want to disappear completely. But I disappeared anyway.

I have so many stories I want to write and so many things to tell you that I don't even know where to begin. And yet? I have no idea when I'll be able to write them all down. But it is a priority, it really is, I am terribly in love with this thing called writing.

I'm also really in love with our fabulous new apartment, which isn't so new anymore, we've been here for exactly six months now and I cannot believe how our life has changed since we've changed our space. I think it is not a coincidence.

Mike has become completely consumed with school and it is one of the most wonderful, exciting, beautiful things I've ever watched happen. I don't use those words lightly, I really don't. It really is exquisite how hard he is studying and how much he is learning and the relationships he's developing with his teachers. He's turned being a student into a career and he is advancing beautifully. He consistently earns the highest grades in his classes and sets the curve for the rest of the students. He has real conversations and debates with his teachers that cause them to ask him to stay after class because they want to talk to him more, know more about him, why he's in school, what he did before, what his plans for the future are. The other students email him and call him asking for help and advice and he tutors them happily because it helps him learn. I imagine that he is the kind of student that makes teachers glad they are teachers.

There's a story I need to write about the time I nearly killed Meph by loving him too much and how it set a red flag for Michael, the way I love by smothering. It's kind of funny and very scary and something I need to watch. It turns out there is some obsessive-compulsive in me and while it isn't a joke, it is manageable.

And that leads into a story about how I move about my home arranging and decorating and dusting and scouring how I feel as if I am moving not in my body, but my mother's body. Or Aunt Sue's body. How much I see them in me, the women before me, and how happy I feel in those moments.

I want to write about how I'm figuring out that all the things on my to-do list will eventually get done, maybe not on my timeline, but eventually. There is no need to worry. And I'm not talking about my laundry to-do list. I'm talking about my life to-do list.

I want to update you on the worms and the dog's raw diet and our CSA and our new furniture.

There are so many things I want to say.

And also? I need to catch up on what's going on with you.

I get between 30-50 unique hits a day on this website. I can only account for about 20 of my readers. That means that there are between 10 and 30 people checking out this site and I have no idea who they are. Of the 20 people I can account for, 15 have their own blogs, which I usually read consistently. But I have been a bad internet friend. I haven't been able to read anyone. But please don't feel bad because I've been an even worse personal friend.

I'm working on that.

I love you all.

Goodnight.