Friday, January 01, 2010

A Serious Girl

Welcome to 2010! A shiny new year, a clean slate, a brand-new beginning.

Frosty-licious started in May of 2007. In the two years and seven months I've been writing this website I've shared hundreds of snippets from my life, dropped tidbits here and there, told stories and jokes, all the while hiding behind a mask I've worn my entire life: A Girl Who Is Pretty And That's All That Counts. The more I wrote the more I realized how I hide behind poop jokes, how I play dumb, that I'm the girl who proudly wears balls on her forehead. And frankly? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being a cute-but-dumb joke. I'm tired of conforming to the image I think people want to see. Sure, I'll always laugh at my teabag photos, but I'm realizing there's a lot more to me than that. In 2010 I want to embrace my smart side. I want to grow up and become the role model I want for my daughters. I want to become the woman I know I can be.

This New Year is the year I will throw off the pretty little mask. This is the year I will explore and learn and wonder and fail and stand up again and be proud of what I manage to accomplish, whatever it is. This year I will let myself dream big, silly, wild dreams that could never come true because as much as I believe, unicorns don't exist. I will let myself dream sweet dreams and secret dreams and self-indulgent dreams and grown-up dreams.

This year I will stop saying mean things to the body I see in the mirror. I will feed myself and my husband healthy meals and I will exercise in ways that let me move and dance and feel good. I will love my body the way it is instead of wishing it would be different. This year I will cut out alcohol and caffeine, except for one cup of coffee in the morning and the occasional pint of beer with good friends. I will enjoy my life alone with my husband, so that when we finally have children we can say how much we looked forward to them while appreciating the time we spent before them. I will support my husband while he works and studies and I will do whatever I can to help him succeed.

This year is the year I will go back to school. My application is in, I'm just waiting to see if I am accepted and when I can start. I'm not sure what I'm going to study, but I'm leaning very far towards math and sciences. It turns out I really enjoy math, of all things, and Mike, who's been tutoring me, says I have an innate ability for it. And I've always secretly loved science, I just never thought I was smart enough to study it. I will also take a Spanish class this year, one that requires that I sit in a seat and practice with other students, out loud and in person. This year I will work and save money and we will pay off our credit card debt and start saving so that having a family won't feel like a financial disaster. This year I will go home at least once to spend time with my brothers and sisters, niece and nephews, cousins, friends, my Nani, my parents. I will fly to Seattle and spend time with my family there so I can remember where I come from.

In celebration of the new year and all I hope to accomplish, I have started a new website. A new blog. A place for me to stretch my arms without the superficial, saccharine-sweet label 'Frosty-licious'. I hated that name the moment I chose it and I've carried it around for nearly three years. I've been eager to shed that persona for a long time, I just didn't know how. Frosty-licious is too much the girl I used to be and not at all the woman I hope to grow into. She's too weighed down by the garbage I wallowed in the first two years I wrote here. It's time to clean house. Get rid of the clutter. I want room to spread out and explore. A bigger closet so I can try on different hats. A longer road for all the different shoes I walk in. An empty room so I can dance.

I'm really excited about the new website. I've been working on it for several months and I've had the opportunity to collaborate and receive guidance and advice from some wonderful people. It is an entirely new adventure and it is definitely a work in progress. I'm not sure what will happen with Frosty-licious. I may not be completely done here and the new site may turn out to be different enough that I could write regularly in both. We'll see what happens. In the mean time, I am very proud and very excited to introduce you to my new blog: A Serious Girl.

Thank you for being a part of my journey, for rallying with me, for reading my words. May 2010 hold blessings for you all. I hope to see you on my other side.


Kim said...

Following you there. I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. Ok, maybe not. But I am excited about your new blogging (and self-realization) adventure!

Kitty said...

Dearest Serious Girl: it's been too long since I read your blog--I should figure out, once and for all, how to link our blogs so that I get alerts when there's new stuff you've written. Mosca can probably tell me how to do that. Anyway, I love the new direction that you're taking, and I identify with it on many levels. I am looking forward to reading everything you write, and I'm sorry that I've been such a slouch. We all missed you terribly at Christmas . . . and all the other days, although we are proud of the direction your life is taking, and hoping that we'll all get to be a part of it again soon. I'm really happy that you're back to school, and thrilled that you're good at science and math!! I always secretly wanted to be good at math, and I think I was, but I was never encouraged to follow that route. I didn't know that I could be good at it, so, I did something else. Not that I have regrets, but I also think about going back to school to study quantum physics, which requires so much math it would make your head spin. But why not? I know I could do it, if I just made the decision.
Love you lots, will end here,

SchizotypalVamp said...

If you need any help in math I might be able to help.

Hawk said...

I NEVER thought you were dumb or even playing dumb... best of luck on whatever course you choose to follow.

Tara said...

I Heart Hawk and his comment. I Heart you too.

People in the Sun said...

I also never thought of you as dumb. But I understand what you're doing. Maturity is about the ability to define yourself, after all. Just don't be too hard on Frosty-licious. I hope that outside the blog-world, you still find room for her. She wasn't bratty or privileged. She thought the world was confusing enough to laugh at and laugh with. We all need to retain some of that in our lives. Have a great 2010!

Steve said...

You weren't hiding behind anything or from anything. Frosty-Licious will always have it's time and place. It is easy to look at these pages and say, "I have to change. That's not me now." But changes creep over us long before they are noticed and they are never as radical as we imagine. No matter what age or endeavor you are experiencing you will look at your pages and see the same thing....clever, observant, witty, and thoughtful.

I admire your ability to record yourself. I used to keep a journal but it was too difficult looking back at words that were written long ago. Now I write stories for my children and hope my memory is not too forgiving. :-)

p.s. FaceBook turned me into an immature idiot for about six months. Ha ha. But it only seems that way because the venue took a piece of me and concentrated it beyond recognition. Hey, it happens.