My fingers are in too many pies. Wait. Is "too many pies" a real thing?

I made this secret vow to myself that I would post two real posts a week (i.e. something other than videos or photos) from here on out. And I done failed, y'all. I've had my fingers in too many pies and writing got pushed to the bottom of the to-do list. But this is a new week. Let's try again.

In honor of my upcoming Life On Mars episode, which airs on ABC at 10/9c on Wed. Feb. 25, I thought I'd tell you a story from my week on the set of a network television show.

When I auditioned for Life On Mars, I had one little line to perform. It was: "If he knows I'm leaving him, he'll kill me. Tell me what to do, Sam!" And the character was described as 'frightened and has obviously been crying'. So of course, I went in all worked up, tears streaming, etc. And I got the part. It wasn't until my last day of shooting that I finally got to perform my line. I spent a good two hours in my dressing room that morning, preparing my character. I went to a university accredited acting conservatory, so I have a few tricks up my sleeve for when I need to bring myself to an emotional state. I'm not all method or anything, I don't use the Meisner technique (I don't even know what it is. Shocking!) but I've got some tricks. By the time I was called to set to shoot the scene, I was in a really raw place. The director called 'action' and I went for it. I gave him exactly what I gave him in my audition. A terrified girl, tears streaming down her face, asking her friend how to escape her abusive husband. The director calls 'cut' and says to me, "Ok. Now, I want you to do it again, only without any emotion." 

Seriously?

He calls 'action'. I do it again, emotionless. 

"CUT! Ok, that was great. Do it again, only less emotion." 

Third time. "CUT! Great. One more time, but I want you to be totally dead-pan." 

After the forth read, completely monotone and devoid of all feeling, he was happy.

We moved on, they gave me some extra lines and gave me a break to memorize them. We started shooting again and I was directed to, again, be completely emotionless. I said my lines as if I was a robot zombie and the director was thrilled. Then he says, "OK, I wanna do a close-up of your face, and I wanna see a single tear rolling down your cheek." 

"Sure!" I say, excited to finally use my acting chops. "I can do that. Just give me a minute." 

But he's not listening to me, he's looking over his shoulder and calling to the make-up department. "Who's got the menthol? I need some menthol!" He turns to me. "Have you ever had menthol in your eyes?" 

"What?" 

"You know, to cry." 

"Uh... why don't I just.. um... act?" 

"No, no, no. This is T.V. We don't have time for that."