*halp*

I'm in a funk, you guys.  I'm all like.... blah. Blah. Blah. I need a vacation. A week on some warm sand in fresh air, hot sun beating down on me while I wear nothing but a new bikini. Not that I have a new bikini, but I would definitely go buy one if I could wear it on a tropical beach somewhere.

I just feel..... gross. Bored and gross.

This is where you come in. Where can I go for a nice three days where I can just lay on a warm beach under the sun, napping and reading intermittently, for basically no money? Because I'm totally broke* and can't afford a real vacation.

Any thoughts?

______________________________________________________________
*My mother just flinched and thought to herself, "Don't say you're broke! You're not broke!" Ok, true, I'm not "broke" per se, but I certainly have no business spending money on frivolities like vacation. Not that vacation is a frivolity, I think it's a friggin necessity, but still. I guess maybe I feel like I don't really deserve a vacation. Don't you all feel like crying for me now?

Really can't get enough of these

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Happy Birthday, Dopey!!!!

And a Very Merry Christmas to all of you.

p.s. that little peice of coal in my chest got all Christmasied last night, thanks to my NYC friends and family. But to those of you elsewhere, I miss you SO!

Twas the Night Before Christmas

From my papa. I SO wish I had written this!!!

The Night Before Christmas (Legal Style)

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick aka St. Nicholas aka Santa
Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e., the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts, and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort, and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause, and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very
rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be, and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction, and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle, and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the
vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys, and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned
packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose, and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer, and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

p.s. This is my 100th post, y'all! Let's party like Britney at the Four Seasons!

Too Busy to Poop

I miss all youse guys so so much and I miss posting - specially cuz I been wanting to post lots lately, but I'm just too busy to poop!!!!

So to whet yer lil appetites, here's a funny lolcat photo. Merry Christmas!


moar funny pictures

Oh yeah?

If Christmas is a feeling in your heart, then my heart is a shriveled lump of black coal.

Now I Have A Belly-Ache

This is funny because this is my life. Times 4. Animals that is.

Did I say 4? He, he, he... that's weird. I meant 3. Seriously. I meant... 3.

Bah, Humbug!

Thank you, Uncle Ed!!

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not
produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to
feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of
them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the
fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards
cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were
scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider
and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered
the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his
frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it
broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen
floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten
all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the
door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a
great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa - isn't
this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where do
you want me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the
Christmas tree.

Thrilling

This thrills my little blackened heart. I didn't know it existed until just now! How do I miss these things???

Little Sister

I have been a bad little sister. I have not stayed in touch with my siblings. That fact became blaringly clear yesterday when I was absent mindedly messing around on You Tube and I discovered this video.

Holy. Crap. I have no words. My big brother Frost is.... whoa. I mean.... dude. I can't even talk. The video - the song - the .... everything. I was crying. My hands were shaking. I can't believe this was made and I had no idea. See? If I kept in touch better than I'd have known. I'm a naughty girl.

Anyway.... I hope you enjoy this stunning music video by The Bangkok Five. And the Exquisite new song, too. (Doesn't my big brother Frost have the the most beautiful voice ever?) Album drops in Spring 2008. I AM SO EXCITED I CAN BARELY BREATHE.

I just fell

In love with this musician. Thank you, Girl-Who-Doesn't-Wear-Underpants-To-Auditions.

Listen to 'I'm Yours'. Also, check him out here and here.

We likes. We loves.