Ring Finger

This is my engagement ring. I've always loved old things. Things with stories. Things that once were loved by someone else.

We'd been talking about marriage for about six months when Mike took me to the jewelry district in downtown Los Angeles one sunny Sunday afternoon. We wandered the stalls and he pointed out pretty solitaires and glittering pave settings and stunning emerald-cut sparklers. And I shrugged and shook my head and passed the booths and wondered out loud where we could find some coffee.

"What kind of a ring would you want?"

"Something simple. I don't know. My great-grandmother had this ring that was all setting and very little diamond. I always loved that ring."

He stopped at the nearest booth and asked the woman at the counter if she had any antique diamond rings. She reached under the counter and removed a small velvet box. It was dingy and the velvet was wearing thin on the corners. When she opened it, the hinges creaked, but inside was magic. A tiny, tarnished, delicate ring, a cupcake of filigree surrounded by intricate engraving. A relic of artistic virtue from long ago. I couldn't breathe. The woman handed me the ring and I slipped it on my finger and my heart was beating so fast and tears spilled from my eyes. And then I was embarrassed because who cries over an old tarnished ring? Mike started laughing then, and said, "So I guess you like that one?" And he put his hand on the small of my back, winked at the woman, and took me out for coffee.

A week later we were sitting at the top of the ferris wheel at the Santa Monica Pier and he was fumbling around in his pocket and then he was holding the little ring out to me and asking me to be his wife. And I was laughing and shaking and then he dropped the ring and thank God we were not in one of those ferris wheels with the open bottom.

When we married, we could not afford a wedding band to match my engagement ring. I wanted something delicate and slender, that I could wear on its own or as a set. Something feminine and lovely and simple. I work with my hands a lot, I am not a prissy girl, and I did not want my ring to be in my way. It wasn't until this past Christmas that Mike was finally able to buy me a wedding band. Again, he let me pick it out, this time in Manhattan's jewelry district. And again, I did not know for sure if we were just looking for fun or if he was planning to surprise me or what.

Christmas morning he handed me a tiny blue box and it was like getting engaged all over again.

Every time I look at these rings my heart swells and I think it will overflow. They look like candy to me. They sparkle and catch my eye and make me laugh. The wedding band is full of sapphires that are such a deep blue they are nearly black and Mike loves them as much as I do. As simple and lovely and small as my rings are, I find that I am always taking them off so I won't hurt them. I take them off to shower. I take them off to wash dishes. I take them off to hike and bathe the dogs and paint and practice yoga and bake. I find that I am not wearing my rings more often than I am wearing them.

"Does it bother you?"

"Not at all."

"Really? Because you bought me these beautiful rings and you went to so much trouble and now I never wear them and you must think I am so ungrate-"

"You know what I think of a woman who can wear diamonds every day? I think she must not use her hands very much. It says something about a woman."

"Are you sure you won't feel like it was a waste of money to buy me jewelry if I only wear it once in a while?"

"You deserve to have beautiful jewelry that you can wear when it is appropriate to wear beautiful jewelry. And the rest of the time you can wear something that makes sense with our busy, wonderful, useful life."

Two days before we married, we purchased matching sterling silver bands. They were to be stand-ins until we could afford something nicer. But as time went on, Mike realized he didn't want anything nicer because he, too, uses his hands so much. It wouldn't make sense for him to have something with filigree or stones. And I've begun to realize that the same is true for me. I'm a no-nonsense girl. I wear very little make-up. I live in sneakers and jeans and t-shirts. I use my hands a lot. I get dirty.

This ring, simple and sturdy as it may be, is a much better symbol of our marriage, our life. And it matches his. Perfectly.

07.06.09