And also, by the way, my career just sucks right now. Career? What career? Ha. It ain't a career unless you're paying your bills with it. But it IS an adventure and holy Peter Pan, you guys, I live in Manhattan and I'm chasing my dream.
But do you know how hard I have to work to feel excited about it? Because most of the time I just feel like I'm pounding my head on a block of cement while wearing pants made out of sand paper and soaking in a tub of rotting sardines and hot vinegar. And I feel hopeless. And I just want to pack it all in and head back to sunny El Lay.
I'm in the habit of saying little prayers, asking for little signs that I'm on the right path, that I'm doing the right thing, that I should stay in New York and not catch the next plane to the sun. AND I KEEP GETTING THESE LITTLE SIGNS. It's the weirdest fuckin' thing. I feel hopeless, I ask for a sign, I get a sign. In March when I asked for a sign? I found an apartment that was not only a way better deal than the one we had, but also way cheaper than anything comparable we could afford in L.A. Then I felt hopeless again and I asked for a sign and Estelle Parsons pulled me aside after a workshop to say, "We were lucky to watch you today." Then today? Then today I started feeling hopeless again, even after putting together my mailings, even after updating my website and finally (FINALLY IT'S BEEN ABOUT A YEAR) re-editing Ashley Andrews so it isn't so long and obnoxious, I was feeling all sad and hopeless and I was sorting my mail and I got my new equity card. And it came attached to a piece of paper that said this:
"It has been said that an Actor must have the hide of a rhinoceros, the courage and audacity of a lion, and most importantly, the fragile vulnerability of an egg. It also has been said, and I'm not sure by whom, that the moment of not knowing is the moment that has the greatest potential for creativity. The professional and private lives of most Actors are filled to the brim with moments of not knowing. Actors are survivors and will continue to strive because they have the need to celebrate, in performance, that sacred communion between Actor and audience."Robert Prosky1930 - 2008
And I felt .... liberated.
I'm going to have that piece of paper framed.
And, because we can't take ourselves too seriously, check out the new re-edited Ashley Andrews video. If you want. No pressure.
DID YOU WATCH IT YET?
6 comments:
I <3 your disdain!
Love you. Isn't that the old Ashley Andrews video though? I swear I've seen it before...
It is the old video. It's just re-edited. I cut out over three minutes. I can't believe it ever had an extra three minutes. It was WAY TOO LONG.
Ummm "It was WAY TOO LONG"?
...that's what she said?
Ashley's next project should like totally be Lady MacBeth. She would be totally awesome in that part.
Arg! It WAS too long! And 'Cita, I LOVE THAT IDEA. I may just have to make a new video this weekend.
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